i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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