Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
