The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize