U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
