Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
