are you so shy because you have an std?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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