Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
