Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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