ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
