I'm so fucking centered right now
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize