I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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