just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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