It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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