Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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