i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
