You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
