Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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