A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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