Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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