There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
