This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize