the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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