So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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