I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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