Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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