Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
