No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
