Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
