thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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