take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
