I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
