I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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