I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
