So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
