He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
