piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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