You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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