I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
