you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize