Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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