It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
