So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
