she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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