no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
