I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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