We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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