So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
