just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
