No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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