think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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