I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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