I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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