At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
