i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
