idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
