i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can I color on your dick again?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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