you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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