I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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