So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
