i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
