ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
