need another drink. this is the easiest way
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
