saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
