just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I touched a dick in church today
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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