I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
