She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
