I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
