I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
