He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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