It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
