They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
