I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize