Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
