I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize