Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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