so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
