Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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