thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize