when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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