By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
