Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
