just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
