well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
