i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
