I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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