she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize