I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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