I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
