Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
