my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
