oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she peed on how many people?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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