i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
