I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think a kid would responsible me up
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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