He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
