Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
