I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
