your parents love me but you hate me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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