he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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