you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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