I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
