Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
