she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
