There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
