OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
